I had a therapist once tell me that I had a huge “should list.” Part of our sessions were convincing me that some of those things aren’t really “shoulds,” and that I put too much pressure on myself to do everything that I think I should be doing instead of what I really should be doing. Does that make sense?
No, I didn’t think so. Basically, she’s telling me I’m trying to take on too much and that maybe, just maybe, some of the things I beat myself up over, aren’t so important and therefore should not be a “should.”
So, what to do? Why, make a list of course! Ya gotta start somewhere. I can’t cull until I know what I’m dealing with. So, here it goes, in no particular order.
I should be:
1. Exercising every day instead of lucky-to-get-it-in-three-times-a-week.
2. Cleaning the house more often and more completely.
3. Vacuuming more than every 3 weeks or so. Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t vacuum. I just keep putting it off until Al can’t stand it and he’ll vacuum.
4. Cleaning my shower more often. One word: Eww
5. Eating 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
6. Not eating 5 servings of something fried a day.
7. Spending more time reading a book rather than reading Project Runway message boards.
8. Typing up the stuff from the committee I’m chairing for the church bulletin instead of typing this silly list.
9. Trying to stop procrastinating. Oh look, there’s an episode of Charmed I’ve only seen 4 times; guess I better watch it again.
10. Figuring out what to cook for dinner.
11. Actually cooking dinner.
12. Cooking healthier meals.
13. Brushing my dog every day so that when I take her into the groomer, she doesn’t look at me like I’m the Joan Crawford of Doggie Moms.
14. Traveling more.
15. In Scotland.
16. Preparing for our trip to Italy next year.
17. Studying my Italian language homework.
18. Writing every day.
19. Finishing that short story and send it out.
20. Working on that novel I’ve been wanting to write and can’t sleep because I keep dreaming scenes for it.
21. Petting my dog. I will love her and pet her and squeeze her and hug her and call her Daily Dog.
22. Loving Al more.
23. Not taking Al for granted.
24. Telling my family that I love them.
25. Forgiving my father.
26. Not worrying about my mom, my brother, my husband, and my dog all the time.
27. Going out with my girlfriends instead of staying alone in my house.
28. Pampering myself more often, maybe my skin would look better.
29. Shaving my legs more often.
30. Praying more often.
31. Knitting more often and actually finishing the projects I’ve started.
32. Scrapbooking more often and actually finishing the projects I’ve started.
33. Painting the closets, my bathroom and my craftroom.
34. Learning how to spin yarn.
35. Appreciating that I have a warm house, food in the frig, and a husband who loves me, puts up with me, and takes care of me. And he’s a nice guy, too.
36. Not feeling like I’ve wasted a huge part of my life since I’ve been diagnosed with MS, as if I won’t be able to do the things I still want to do.
37. Liking myself more than I do.
38. Letting people like me and letting them in.
39. Dreading the weekly shot of Avonex.
40. Giving myself a break.
OK, that’s enough. It’s getting late, and I really should be working on other stuff.
Should? I’m growing to dislike that word immensely