I want so much to be the free-spirited, hair-flying-back-while-driving-the-Jeep kind of woman. That person who can adjust so quickly to whatever life throws at her. The woman for whom life itself is the adventure, so enjoy and go with the flow.
But I’m just not. I need structure. I crave schedules and predictability. I need a sense of control in a world where I have none, and I want to try to achieve some contentment in the world I live in. Not that I’m really sure how to do that, but I need to give it a try.
The last few weeks have been hell. I didn’t know what to expect with this flare up and the steroids, and I should have been better informed. I’m desperate for my sense of normalcy back.
So, I’m thinking out loud here about how I might tweak things in my life to bring in some stability. And maybe along the way I’ll find my bliss, which I have a sneaky suspicion has been right in front of me the whole time.
The hardest thing about staying at home is the sense of “oh that can wait until tomorrow because I’m not doing anything then, either.” I need deadlines, and I have tried in the past to set up a calendar with personal deadlines, but it never worked. Considering the way I overdo lists and organizing things, I think I try to take on too much and schedule too tightly. I still need to set some deadlines, but they need to be realistic. And I need to get over my feelings of embarrassment and uselessness because I stay home.
I do better in the mornings, but I spend too much time with breakfast, the paper, the crossword puzzle, the internet, and other procrastination tools. So, I could get up an hour or more earlier. I’m not going to say I’ll workout every morning because I won’t. But I’m slowly getting back to that routine, too.
The blogs can be a source of stress. I spend too much time reading and too much time toiling over my own posts. I’m going to set a time limit for myself and not feel guilty if I don’t always comment. My blog feels chaotic to me, so I want to try some different ways to post and make it an outlet rather than a dumping ground. Maybe I’ll post first thing in the morning and comment on a current event. Or join in on some of those “list” blogs, like 13 for Thursday. Maybe I need prompts?
I think I’ll see what volunteer opportunities are around. I’ve done volunteering in the past and it hasn’t always been such a great experience. Like anything else, there’s a hierarchy and cliques. I’ve learned that it only works if there’s someone who trains and runs the volunteers and the work is consistent. But maybe getting out of myself would be a good idea.
There are lots of little things that need to be done in the house. Lots of things need to be cleaned out and put in order. That stuff is always there, so I need to tackle things one at a time, either a room at a time or a task at a time.
And I need to turn off the TV.
So, there we are. It’s a start, I guess. Just writing some things down has helped because it seems pretty doable. And after the last few weeks, I really need to be able “to do” again.