Sunday, February 11, 2007

What Works For You

I want so much to be the free-spirited, hair-flying-back-while-driving-the-Jeep kind of woman. That person who can adjust so quickly to whatever life throws at her. The woman for whom life itself is the adventure, so enjoy and go with the flow.

But I’m just not. I need structure. I crave schedules and predictability. I need a sense of control in a world where I have none, and I want to try to achieve some contentment in the world I live in. Not that I’m really sure how to do that, but I need to give it a try.

The last few weeks have been hell. I didn’t know what to expect with this flare up and the steroids, and I should have been better informed. I’m desperate for my sense of normalcy back.

So, I’m thinking out loud here about how I might tweak things in my life to bring in some stability. And maybe along the way I’ll find my bliss, which I have a sneaky suspicion has been right in front of me the whole time.

The hardest thing about staying at home is the sense of “oh that can wait until tomorrow because I’m not doing anything then, either.” I need deadlines, and I have tried in the past to set up a calendar with personal deadlines, but it never worked. Considering the way I overdo lists and organizing things, I think I try to take on too much and schedule too tightly. I still need to set some deadlines, but they need to be realistic. And I need to get over my feelings of embarrassment and uselessness because I stay home.

I do better in the mornings, but I spend too much time with breakfast, the paper, the crossword puzzle, the internet, and other procrastination tools. So, I could get up an hour or more earlier. I’m not going to say I’ll workout every morning because I won’t. But I’m slowly getting back to that routine, too.

The blogs can be a source of stress. I spend too much time reading and too much time toiling over my own posts. I’m going to set a time limit for myself and not feel guilty if I don’t always comment. My blog feels chaotic to me, so I want to try some different ways to post and make it an outlet rather than a dumping ground. Maybe I’ll post first thing in the morning and comment on a current event. Or join in on some of those “list” blogs, like 13 for Thursday. Maybe I need prompts?

I think I’ll see what volunteer opportunities are around. I’ve done volunteering in the past and it hasn’t always been such a great experience. Like anything else, there’s a hierarchy and cliques. I’ve learned that it only works if there’s someone who trains and runs the volunteers and the work is consistent. But maybe getting out of myself would be a good idea.

There are lots of little things that need to be done in the house. Lots of things need to be cleaned out and put in order. That stuff is always there, so I need to tackle things one at a time, either a room at a time or a task at a time.

And I need to turn off the TV.

So, there we are. It’s a start, I guess. Just writing some things down has helped because it seems pretty doable. And after the last few weeks, I really need to be able “to do” again.


Patsy said...

Kell,have you heard of it is for procrastaters sp? go check it out. It sounds to me like you are trying to put to much on your plate, especially now that you are going through a recovery phase of your illness. Try to relax and take it easy. Who says that you have to do it all. You are a young woman, you have plenty of time to accomplish lots in your life. So what if "it" doesn't get done today or tomorrow. Who cares, only you - and you have better things to do with your time right now. Get better!

Jay said...

It's always hard to find that happy medium between having every single thing planned out and written down on a schedule and just totally winging it every day. It's just too easy to either put too much on yourself or not doing anything. Try going with short lists of things that you would like to do if you get around to it. haha

Newt said...

Here's a thought: if there is an animal sheler near you they always need volunteers to walk the pups. So, you get to go for a walk, help and animal, AND get some puppy time. That's volunteering and exercising rolled into one!

Kell said...

Patsy--You're right, I'm in such a hurry to recover that I'm adding to the anxiety. I'm headin' over to the website. Thanks

Jay--Short lists! Good idea. What's a short list?

Newt--You read my mind! We have an awesome humane society here. The hard part will be not taking them home with me.

Peggy said...

Do you know how long it will take to brush the snarls out of your hair if you've been riding in a Jeep (or any convertable) with the top down and your hair whipping in the breeze? Being free and easy has a price. There are benefits to having routines and keeping a scarf handy. It doesn't look as glamerous but life doesn't have so many tangles.

Michelle said...

Peggy said it so well!

I love that you're going all introspective and really listening to what you need (not the needs of others). Way to go!

Realistic goals are a great start. So's turning off the TV. One of the best things I ever did for myself was actually unplug my TV. That way, I couldn't just flop down and flick it on with the remote. I had to crawl behind the TV and plug it back in. By the time I thought about how much work that would be and that the blood would rush to my head while I was bending over for the plug, I would forget about it and move onto to the next thing. Worked like a charm! I would only go to the trouble to plug it in on Thursday nights...for CSI.

Not that you could do that with Al in the house but you get the pricipal of it, yes?

By the way, being a highly organized list-maker myself, I didn't find it too helpful to join group activities such as the WWC. I found, for me anyway, it brought on even MORE guilt that I couldn't always participate. Silly, huh? Just wanted to mention it as a potential pothole. You know, just in case it happens to you and then you know you're not alone.