On a Roll

I eeked out another 25. Will this ever end?!?

126. I consider myself a Christian, but I have a lot of questions.
127. I completely understand questioning a book written by a group of men who were trying to reflect their world view. But still, I’ve grown up with faith so it seems to come pretty easy.
128. Maybe I’m taking faith for granted?
127. We have found a wonderful church here that welcomes all questions. You know the Methodist Church’s slogan, “Open hearts. Open minds. Open doors.”? Well, our church believes that and puts it into practice.
128. This church considers itself “theologically progressive” which concerned me at first because I thought Al’s conservative side might not agree. But that man is just full of surprises. Makes being married fun and interesting.
129. It’s not so much a liberal or conservative theology, just a little more open-minded than some.
130. I usually avoid the discussion of religion because: a) there always seems to be someone who can quote something from the Bible to prove his or her point and I never have a good response, b) It pisses me off when people throw quotes at me because they don’t pay attention where the quote comes from or what the lesson/story is, and c) I have my doubts and questions that I’m working through, thank you, and I don’t want to be preached to and told what I’m supposed to think or believe.
131. I love Southern gospel music. The twangier the better. There’s nothing better than a country quartette singing “I’ll Fly Away.”
132. When my Dad died, my stepmother asked if I wanted any song in particular at the service. I told her I always thought of Dad when I heard “I’ll Fly Away” because I knew he like it. She said she didn’t remember that, but if I wanted it, they’d try to do it.
133. I felt terrible because I thought maybe I was projecting because I love that song. I told my grandmother (his mother) the song I had requested, and she said, “Oh he loved that song! He used to just siiiinnngg.” I felt very relieved.
134. My uncle sings bass in a gospel group. They sang it at the funeral and it was perfect. There’s not doubt in my mind that Dad like that.
135. Dad grew up in a tiny town in Arkansas called Yellville. Most of his family are still there.
136. Yellville is famous for Turkey Trot, a fall festival where they just happen to toss live wild turkeys out of a small plane. Wild turkeys fly, or at least they glide for long distances. You can have the turkey if you catch it, but that’s not gonna happen.
137. PETA shows up every year.
138. Does that remind you of WKRP in Cincinnati? It’s probably not a coincidence that the guy who played Herb Tarlek was from Arkansas.
139. When I was 18, I met Bill Clinton at a Democrat rally while he was running for governor of Arkansas. He has the ability to make you feel like you are the only person he wants to talk to. He didn’t look over my shoulder or to the side to see if there was someone else he should be talking to.
140. There was a scene in a movie years and years ago that always sticks in my mind. Kids were at a school dance (the all-boy’s school came to the all-girl’s school), and the guy didn’t want to be dancing with the girl he was dancing with, so behind her back, he was offering cash to his buddy to come cut in. She knew what was happening, of course. I thought that was the saddest scene and hoped I would never be that girl. But late at night when the demons come out, I suspect I am.
141. Wellbutrin has helped silence some of those demons. I’m not recommending everyone to get on a happy pill, but I would recommend that if your emotions feel a little out of control and you have trouble functioning, go see a doctor and get help.
142. I was on Lexapro for a year, but it made me numb. I didn’t cry the whole year I was on it. With the Wellbutrin I still have my emotions but they don’t overwhelm me and don’t get out of control. I had no idea how bad off I was. Before, I would just lay on the couch and stare at the tv, get up and take a shower and get cleaned up right before Al got home so that he wouldn’t know I had laid around all day, then try to find a way to get out of making dinner.
143. Now if I have a day that I’m just exhausted and want to go back to bed and take a nap, I know it’s the fatigue with the MS.
144. I’ve spent a lot of my life daydreaming. I’m more steeped in reality now, or maybe I just hide my daydreaming better.
145. We had a party in our new basement pub and everyone who works with Al came, plus our friends that he doesn’t work with. I stopped counting at 35 people. I quickly lost control of this evening.
146. Up until this point, I prided myself on my entertaining abilities. We’ve had bigger parties and I’ve cooked for more, but there were people every where! I couldn’t flit around fast enough to make sure everyone was feeling welcome, and I constantly worried about running out of food.
147. We did run out of soda. Who knew so many people would drink soda?
148. Everything was pretty much gone by the end of the evening. The pony keg of Fat Tire was dry and the meatball subs (4 lbs of meatballs and 3 bottles of pasta sauce) were devoured. All in all, I’d say it was a success.
149. A couple of years ago, we entertained a lot. I was always hosting wives’ socials, showers, and various parties. I’m done with entertaining. Come over for dinner, but it’s going to be reeeaaaallll casual.
150. I told Al that if he really wanted to be a squadron commander, I’d support him and do my best in my role as “squadron commander’s wife.” But if he doesn’t want to do that, all the better. I'm ready to downsize and get rid of all that stuff I use for "entertaining."