Catching Up with a Ramble

I'm down right giddy about going back to Arkansas next week to go to War Eagle craft fair with my bestest bud, Angie, and to my grandmother's 90th birthday. She's an amazing woman and I'm looking forward to seeing some family members I haven't seen in a very long time. Well, actually, I think I'm looking forward to seeing the family members. See, when my folks split and my dad remarried, his new family became the ones who went to all kind of stuff. My grandmother and a couple of aunts and uncles made an effort to make us still feel like we were part of the family, but there's only so much they could do. So, I probably won't even recognize a lot of these people. OK, so that's probably more info than you needed. But I'm taking Cosette, so they'll love her. As we all know, love my dog, love me. That's the rule.

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I am the world's worst doggie mom. While we were in Virginia, I was constantly trying to keep fleas off of Cosette. I didn't take extra Frontline with me because I figured I could get some there, but the vets I went to wouldn't sell me any because she wasn't their client. I ended up getting Advantage or something like that which seemed to help. Once I got home and got her back on Frontline she's been fine. But too little too late. Because she would eat the fleas she took off herself, she has worms and had her first big ol' pill and half today and will have to have more in 3 weeks. In the meantime, I have to be diligent about picking up after her (which is going to be really gross, the doc warned, telling me it will be "wormy" Ew). But she'll be fine. I'm just kicking myself for not taking the Frontline with us.

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I hate not knowing the future. I'm not always that way, but it's just kind of stressful right now. We don't know if we're going to stay here or have to move. There's a good chance he could go on remote (probably to some place dusty) and could be gone any where from 6 months to a year. There's just as good a chance he could be extended here and be able to retire. There's also a good chance we could move somewhere for another assignment and just love it. All I do know for sure is that if we have to put the house on the market any time soon, there's a good chance we won't be happy with how long it will take to sell it nor how much we will actually make on it.

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The weather has been gorgeous around here! Just gorgeous. Thank goodness we are having a lovely fall.

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We have the most stubborn dog in the world. For over an hour, she sat by the pantry door in hopes of getting a treat. I stayed on the couch, ignoring her because she has gained quite a bit of weight and we are trying to get her back down to a healthier size. Every now and then, I'd hear a soft little whine or sigh, just to let me know that she was still there.


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I think the press should start referring to the "undecided" voters as who they really are: the "it's none of your damn business who I'm voting for so stop asking" voters.

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We're having a pumpkin-carving party a week from Saturday, and I can't wait. I'm in that fun planning stage again where I'm looking through my tried-and-true recipes and magazines for new ones. But I have to make jalapeno poppers and the chocolate trifle because requests have come in. Once I've decided, I will post the menu and put up some recipes. This blog isn't all about the dog, you know. *thinks about it* OK, so it's a lot about the dog and I will include a picture or two of her, but she's just so darn cute!

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Did I tell you guys that I found a therapist to talk to? Well, I did, and it's getting pretty hard now. She says I need to stop pushing people away and withdrawing from society and being so overprotective of myself and my feelings all out of fear of being hurt. So, my question is when do I get to start blaming other people for my anxieties because so far, it all seems to be on me. I would choose a therapist who won't let me be the victim, or at least she did at first then turn it all around and said, "but you've let yourself stay in this cycle and we need to work on breaking it." Well hell. If I knew it was going to be this much work, I would have just continued my program of self-healing by buying another carton of Ben and Jerry's and watching old movies, even though the only progress that would have made would have been on my waist line.

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Did you know Playboy makes women's Halloween costumes? There's something so right about that. Apparently, they're the best quality of the other ready-made costumes in the store. I'm leaning towards Naughty Nurse because the French Maid makes me think of cleaning and the Cheerleader is just a little "ew" for my taste.

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I know there was something else I was going to tell you, but now I can't remember what it was. But believe me, it was eloquent, witty, and brilliant. So, I'll just end on pictures of Cosette. She gave me her approval on my grandmother's afghan that I knitted.

I was just thinking . . .

Just a few things going through my head and stopping me from concentrating on more productive things.


Looks like it’s official that the Golden Globes will not be televised. HFPA president Jorge Camara said, "We are all very disappointed that our traditional awards ceremony will not take place this year and that millions of viewers worldwide will be deprived of seeing many of their favorite stars celebrating 2007's outstanding achievements in motion pictures and television.”

Yeah, because those deprived viewers will never get another chance to see a celebrity. Except maybe on the People’s Choice Awards or The Screen Actor’s Guild Awards or The Critic’s Choice Awards or The Oscars or The Emmys or the MTV Movie Awards or an AFI tribute every other month. . . How will we ever survive?

Producers and media types are just giddy at the idea that support for the writers is going to wane because shows like Grey’s Anatomy will be going into reruns. Horrors!

What do you think? Is it really such a hardship on your life? I think the main hardship for me is that now there is pretty much nothing but reality TV on, but that was already happening. We don’t watch a lot of network TV anyway, so it’s not affecting us a whole lot. The worse affect is on other workers. Producers aren’t taking a hit in their salaries, but other staff are being laid off.

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BBC America used to be such a great network. It’s the only reason we have digital cable because I used to watch it all the time. But not any more. Guess what they are so excited about for the new season. They’re showing reruns of Dancing with the Stars! Our Dancing with the Stars! WTF? Used to be a lot of great mysteries and DIY shows on that network, but no more. What’s the world coming to?

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I made Butternut Squash Risotto for dinner last night, and it was very yummy. It was the fist time I’ve made risotto. I had been afraid to try because the chefs on TV always talked about how you had to be careful and stay with it and all that. But it was really pretty easy, and fun. I like it when I’m cooking and I get lost in what I’m doing—it’s a great escape. BTW, I made Ina Garten’s recipe, but I added about a tablespoon of chopped sage and some nutmeg.

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This time last year I wasn’t feeling that great and didn’t know what was going on until it bloomed into a full MS flair up. Then there was the horrible, horrible experience with the steroid treatment. I’m being more careful this year because I don’t want to go through that again. It helps that it’s not as cold and I don’t have to spend an hour and half shoveling snow since Al bought the mother of all snow blowers.

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Cosette has caught onto the routine around here and has decided she likes it. She whines at me if I don’t move fast enough in the morning to get going on our walk. She sits and stares at me, then does this little shuffle, and then sighs/whines. She also does that when she wants a treat or to play. She has me trained pretty well.



Cosette plays hard with her stuffed duck, then crashes in the the sunbeam.

Catching Up

I have some time to breathe again, now that I’ve finished wrapping and shipping and baking and decorating and all that stuff that makes Christmas fun. Oh come on, it is fun! I may complain when I start to feel too stressed, but I love being this busy. I said in our Christmas newsletter that I’m starting to revel in my domesticity. That’s a little scary, but I’m gonna go with it.

However, despite having my own little world that revolves me, the world in general continued to spin the last few weeks. The news is full of the candidates in Iowa and their speeches. Huckabee is the lead GOP? When the hell did that happen? I know, I know, where have I been? I knew this was happening, but I just don’t think he can carry the rest of the country. But what do I know? I didn’t think Hillary would run, either.

The writer’s strike is affecting the award shows, and I say thank you to the writers because I’m really tired of self-congratulating actors constantly on TV. It seems every time you turn around, there’s an award show. And who cares if the writers aren’t there for the show? Was the witty banter really all that great to begin with? It always amazes me how actors who are so amazing in a movie, come across as interesting as a piece of wood when you put them on an award show. Even they seem bored. Besides, I’m supporting the writers. I might not have cared so much if some rich old-guy producer hadn’t said about the strike, “I’m not the one who’s going to lose my house.” Not cool, dude.

In Omaha, Linkin Park and Matchbox 20 are both coming here (not on the same bill, two different concerts). I wanna go, I really wanna go, but I don’t think I can find anyone to go with me. Well, maybe to Matchbox 20 because it doesn’t surprise anyone that I’m a fan of there’s, but they are surprised that I love Linkin Park. Yeah, I’m all nice, southern belle, homemaker, non-threatening type, but there’s a rocker in there. Instead, I’m going to see Mannheim Steamroller. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see them, too, because since he’s from here, Chip Davis ends the touring season with his last concert here in Omaha. It just seems like something you should experience if you live here. But I still want to see Linkin Park.

I can’t wait to see Sweeney Todd. I can’t think of a better director for that movie than Tim Burton, and I think Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter will be great in it. I didn’t know what to think at first because it looked so dark, but then I thought, duh, it’s about a serial killer. And all this concern about can Depp and Bonham Carter pull off the singing. Ooooohhh, the songs are so difficult to sing; Ooooohh they’re Sondheim songs. But Sondheim had the final say on the cast and he worked with them. Who am I to argue with Stephen Sondheim?

Cosette continues to be a joy, except for her penchant for stealing my underwear. She doesn’t mess with Al’s, she seems to prefer Victoria’s Secret to Hanes. She also likes to play chase once I’ve caught her. The last time, I was running after her saying, “No, no, no, no don’t go outside!” as she went through the doggie door. She stuck her head back in to see if I was going to follow her out into the snow, and when she realized I wasn’t, she came back in—without my panties! *Sigh*

But her favorite thing to do is bark at the kids walking home from school. I open the door so she can look out the glass door, which Al calls her plasma TV. She jumps up and does her little bark/bay, then she marches to the doggie door in the back door, huffing, growling and mumbling, “I tell those kids every day to get out of my yard and they just keep coming.” Then she barks at them through the fence.

She also received her first Christmas present and she loves it. Well, obviously--

A Little Catching Up

Things have settled down a little here. The mall is still closed, and many churches, including ours, are holding prayer vigils. It's been very odd to live in a town where this kind of thing has happened, but I think things will slowly return to some semblance of normal because that's all we can do.

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The house is decorated and the ingredients for fudge and cookies have been bought and are ready to be baked. Most presents have been bought and most knitting projects have been completed and are ready to ship to their new homes. We'll be staying here for Christmas and enjoying a quiet and peaceful Christmas. But of course, if anyone wants to come over, the door is always open! Just be prepared to to be licked to death by a fuzzy white dog.

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I've added a few more blogs to my list of daily reads.

• R.E.H. at Ramblings of a Madman has been blogging for a mere couple of months and man is he good! His writing is honest, raw, and funny.

• Macoosh at A Chuisle Mo Chroi . . . always has something interesting to say. She's really busy with a new job right now, but keep checking in with her. She lived in Ireland for a while, which is reason enough for me to be in awe. I'd love to go to Ireland, especially now as I listen to Celtic Women singing "Oh Holy Night." But I digress.

• Karen at Smiling Through It All is another wonderful writer who has already done and experienced so much in her young life, that she makes me wonder where all the time has gone. There's always something interesting going on over there.

So, go check them out!

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Now I'm listening to Diana Krall singing "Jingle Bells." I love my iPod. I could turn the TV to "Sounds of the Season" which isn't too bad, really. Lots of standards and great singers. We turn that on every time we leave so that Cosette will have something to listen to. Al would prefer the classic rock station.

I've been taking it easy this week, sort of. Not only because we had 5 inches of snow and the roads were horrible, but also because I seem to have done something to my back. I know I fell on the ice Saturday, but could there be a delay before I felt it because it wasn't until Monday that my lower back started hurting. Anyway, it's slowly getting better, but I think it acted as a trigger for the MS because I'm having some trouble with my the left side of my body being a little weak. Nothing so bad that I can't keep going, but enough that I have to take breaks a lot throughout the day. I hate that. Put greenery and cranberry garland on the fireplace mantle, then sit down. Put a load of laundry in the washer and take the dry stuff upstairs. Then sit down while I fold. And why just sit when I can play tug-the-duck with the dog. Luckily, pretty much any activity with a young dog is followed by a nap. I told Al that if I'm still feeling this bad by Monday, I'll make an appointment with a doctor.

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Now I'm listening to Loreena McKennitt singing "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen."

Saturday night I'm going to see Mandy Patinkin sing at the Performing Arts Center. I'm very excited and am hoping the next snow storm holds off long enough for me to get the there and get home. I took pity on Al and told him he didn't have to go with me. He was a good sport and went with me when Mr. Patinkin came to San Antonio. That was where we discovered that he is the most amazing singer and actor, but he's also really odd. Not bad, but there was some audience participation that was a little different. Anyone who wanted to could come up on stage and at a certain part in a song, they could all run up and touch him wherever they wanted. OooooKaaaaayyyy. I just wanna hear ya sing, dude. Actually, that's not true. If Al hadn't been there, I might have participated. I've loved Many Patinkin since I listened to the Evita cast recording in 1978.

Anyway, Al said that if the roads are bad, he'd take me and come pick me up. Is he the greatest or what?

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Gotta go. "Snowfall" by Manhattan Transfer is playing and I just have to stop and listen to it. I just can't help imaging snow softly falling outside, the Christmas tree lit, and Al and me slow dancing to this song in front of a roaring fire. *Sigh* Who says I'm not a romantic?

A Day in the Life

One of the frustrating things about having a chronic disease that can/might/probably will progress is that I start to question every little pain I have. A twinge in the thigh can have me searching through my memories, trying to decide if I have ever had a pain like that before. Then I spend the rest of the day trying to pay attention to see if that pain continues because a new pain lasting more than a day and interfering with daily life is when I have to call the doc. The new pain in question, however, is not in my thigh, it's in my face. A dull ache on my lower left jaw, to be exact.

Face pain of varying degrees of intensity is pretty much constant for me. That's the pain that sent me to the doctor in the first place. For years I've had a pain running along my left cheek, down the side of my nose, and into my teeth. When the pain is really intense, my eye also hurts and I'm sensitive to light, then eventually the whole left upper quarter of my head hurts. That's only if I don't catch it in time; usually I pop some ibuprofen and that takes the edge off for a while. For years I went back and forth between the dentist, telling me my teeth were fine and the doctor, telling me I had a sinus infection. Then the pain just stopped, and I lived happily pain-free for years. Then a few years ago, the pain came back with a vengeance. I made the rounds to the optometrist, the dentist, and finally the doctor, who ordered the MRI and found the lesion that led to the lumbar puncture that led to the MS diagnosis. (Sounds a little like the old woman who swallowed a fly, doesn't it--who swallowed the cat to catch bird, to catch the the spider, to catch the fly . . .)

Anyway, turns out that this pain is an early sign of MS. Go figure. And it actually has a name--trigemenal neuralgia. I'm kind of a classic case, in my humble opinion, and it only affects that middle left portion of my face. When the ibuprofen doesn't work and if I start getting small shocks through my cheek, I head into the doctor's office because now I'm probably having an exacerbation of the MS. That's when the steroid treatments start, and I really, really, really, let me say that again, really don't want to go through that again.

Now I'm having this pain in my lower jaw, parallel to the pain in my cheek and that's not my usual TN symptoms. So, it's gotta be my teeth, right? And even though I fear and loathe going to the dentist, who's actually a very nice guy, I called to have them checked. We've been through this before, he and I. Last February I went in because I thought that maybe this time the pain in my cheek really was my teeth, but they were fine and I ended up getting really sick and had to have the dreaded steroid treatment for the exacerbation. So, guess what happened this time. Yep. Teeth are fine. Maybe the gum has receded a little from the tooth, but everything looks fine and I had no reaction to any poking, prodding, tapping, or scrapping.

I feel so stupid. I'm like the little boy who cried wolf, but I'm the girl who cried cavity or root canal. They are very understanding and didn't charge me to check my teeth, but I'm just so embarrassed for wasting their time, yet again. My file probably has a little asterisk on it now for "here we go again." But at least I don't have to have a root canal or anything like that.

I also feel silly because I have been having little flare ups of my symptoms, but nothing that I can't live with, and my allergies have been driving me crazy and that can make my whole head hurt (plus trigger MS symptoms), but I still went to the dentist. I know that it's better to know for sure, and even the dentist said he'd much rather I come in and it be nothing than not come in and it be something. But still.

I don't want to blame everything on the MS and just ignore something as another aspect of the disease. I, also, don't want to be one of these people who's always complaining about some pain. So, when I finally decide to have something checked out, why am I embarrassed rather than relieved that it's nothing? How weird is that? Is there a special kind of neurosis for people who aren't relieved when they're told they don't need a root canal? Well, actually there is I guess. It's the fear that it has nothing to do with fixing something and all to do with a disease getting worse. That's not to say I'm getting worse! The MS nurse has told me repeatedly that new symptoms will show up, but that doesn't mean the disease is progressing. And many times I think I must have been misdiagnosed because I feel fine. Actually, most of the time--I feel good (thank you James Brown, heh!).

Well, now I can move on. My teeth are fine. Oh, he also asked me if I had been clinching my teeth. Um, yeah. I spend a lot of time clinching my teeth and biting my tongue so that I don't snap at people (usually the hubby), but I think that's just hormones, which is a post for another day.

Enough venting for one day. It's going to be gorgeous this weekend, with highs in the low 70s and sunny skies. I think that calls for a road trip in the Miata and a picnic.

It's All Good

Al is home! He was gone a week and half, but it felt much longer this time for some reason. I can do about a week, but then I’m ready for him to be home. He had a good trip, everyone did well on whatever exercise and he ate a lot and drank some good beer. So, overall, he labeled it a success.

He was so happy to be home. I know this because he must have said it 10 times. At one time in my low self-confidence haze, I just took it as yeah yeah yeah he’s just a homebody so he’s just happy to be back in his own house. But then I realized, Hey! I made this a home! So, I take his happiness to be home as a huge compliment and something to do with the fact that I’m at home, too.

And of course, he was happy to be home because his new laptop had arrived and he’s a happy happy happy camper as he travels the world wide web in record time. Plus, he got a black MacBook, and it just looks damn cool.

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When I was in Kansas City, I bought a brownie mix from Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa. Oh…..my…..God! They are so good. But how bad could they be when you melt really good chocolate chunks with a stick of butter then add it to a dry mixture with little chocolate chips in it. Wow. But be sure to have a glass of milk handy because they are so rich, you really need milk. I guess you could add the walnuts to the mixture like the box says, but why would you want to interfere with the chocolate?


However, considering the cost, I’d be just as happy with a Ghiradelli brownie mix or making some from scratch.

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I had a momentous day last week—I cut my hair! Well, I didn’t, Katie at the salon did, but considering I had been letting it grow out for a year or more, this was a brave thing to do. And a smart thing—it’s really cute, if I do say so myself, especially since it’s been almost a week and I’ve figured out how to style it to my liking. I told her that I was bored and felt old and dumpy. I didn’t want anything that looked too young or made me look like I was trying to be young but I didn’t want a helmet of perfectly coiffed hair, either. And Katie’s good; she was honest with me about what my hair would do and what it wouldn’t unless I put a lot of products on it and spent a lot of time working with it. And she knows me well enough to know that I don’t want to do that.

I like where I get my hair done, but it is a little disconcerting to walk in and see so many really, really young women in really high-heeled shoes, wearing a lot of make up and with very bleached blond hair. It’s like walking into a Barbie hair shop or a Stepford Wives nightmare. Then getting the bill is always a little shocking, at least for Al. He was looking through the checkbook and unfortunately saw a day when I got my hair colored and cut. You know, we talk about eyes bulging out in surprise, but I’ve never actually seen it done until then. But I reminded him that I told him years ago that having my hair done is a luxury that I budget for. I love having my hair done. I don’t care that it cost him $7 to have his hair cut, considering how little he has, talk about over-charging. So he’s dealing with it.

And I know the next thing you’re saying—so show us! Well, I photograph horribly, but if I can get my courage up, I’ll take one and post it.

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Yeah! It’s the weekend and Al’s home. What to do, what to do. If I can get him away from his computer long enough, we’ll find something to do.

Hope you have a great weekend, too.